He can catch the edges of Qui-Gon's feeling and presence, albeit faintly at the moment. Feel the disappointment and the lapse in Qui-Gon's focus a bit, anyway.
"Sorry. Leaving the Jedi meant I got stuck just being human." Which means feelings he is not entirely control of, about things. He's still very soft spoken though, and what anger had been there fades away - or rather bleeds out - leaving just heavy, deep, exhaustion. Not physical tired but 'tired of everything' tired.
He makes an effort to rouse himself, a bit and twitches a very slight smile that isn't really one. His eyes stay closed. "You might want to ask Anakin for help. I'm sure it would speed things up."
Qui-Gon couldn't fathom what 'just being human' really meant, benig a Jedi was so ingrained in him. For him, if he was severed from the Order, not much about him would change, he didn't think.
"Anakin is a very impressive boy," Qui-Gon admitted. Here his emotions might bely his intrigue- cautious intrigue.
"Not many Force sensitive children learn to use their powers so keenly without guidence." Was that an observation? And accusation? The Jedi tended to think they were the sole source of knowledge on the Force in the galaxy.
"Why the kriff," he asked, tone that same very soft, quiet, even thing even with the slight emphasis and cursing, "do you think I am so desperate to get him out of slavery?"
Besides loving him, but it wasn't that simple, it really wasn't.
He was feeling slightly better, still struggling for air, but better with a bit of the superficial injuries fading. Enough to be aware of Qui-Gon's work more consciously.
"You need the help and I have the time," Qui-Gon said simply. It wasn't sentimental. They were together a handful of months. They disagreed and... to put it bluntly, Qui-Gon had cut his losses. If Obi-Wan wanted to break his oaths, Qui-Gon had decided not fight him. Despite the connection they'd shared those few months, Qui-Gon's previous experience with Xanatos had made him cautious. Maybe it had been the wrong choice to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan, but that was too many years in the past to regret now.
Qui-Gon kept working at Obi-Wan's injuries, but he couldn't help but ask.
"I don't expect you to, or believe you are." It wasn't sentimental, either. He had his hope placed firmly on the Queen's handmaiden, now - well what 'hope' he had, at all. He closed his eyes and curled slightly in on himself, coughing hard enough to make his eyes water but at least clearing some of the... congestion in his lungs. "And while I appreciate the... compassion, there is very little purpose, beyond making sure Anakin does not become entirely disillusioned and cynical. Stay here as long as you'd like but save the energy."
That did sting more than Qui-Gon expected it to. He'd long thought the Jedi didn't do enough for the galaxy, especially when it came to slavery. But there was only so much one Jedi in the Order could do. He knew that so keenly. But that didn't mean he didn't feel something for those he couldn't help.
And he had committed himself to helping Obi-Wan in this moment.
"Are you so angry with me you would refuse my assistance? I can accept your angry towards me," mostly, he was Jedi after all and that did come with a heavy dose of judgment. Not that Qui-Gon didn't think it was his place. "But don't be foolish."
He did pause working in the Force, but to grabbed the water and hold it for Obi-Wan to take.
He took the glass of water and murmured a thank you. He took one swallow to start with, then sipped more slowly. "No. I'm not certain the person I am now is angry at the person you are now, at all. The child I was and man you were, yes, but that isn't... in the present moment."
It's convoluted and he doesn't expect it to make much sense to Qui-Gon so he clarifies. "Anger isn't why I'm telling you to stop. I need you to do enough to convince Anakin that you -that the Jedi - are good. Beyond that it's simply pointless."
He stopped again, and caught his breath. Drank more water and then handed the glass back. Calmly. Quietly. "All things considered, life has not been terrible, but I have no expectation of, nor particularly strong desire to, continue it. This won't kill me, now, but this planet will and that's... fine."
"The Jedi don't perform tricks to appease people," Qui-Gon said, a bit of an edge to his voice. He might disagree with the Council from time to time, but he still believed in the respectability of the station of Jedi.
And he found he didn't like the idea of Obi-Wan just... giving up.
"But that is what you want?" he asked, taking back the glass. "To die here? To give up? Is that what you think I want for you?"
He gave Qui-Gon a confused, somewhat strange, look. "I don't think you want - or particularly don't want - anything for me." There was nothing snappish or mean there, just confusion and some... mild, not apology but almost appeasement in response to the snap. He really had had his fill of angry people for today. "I've no idea what I want, really. I suppose I may have given up on there being any... options, but I do know that it isn't more of this."
Qui-Gon's emotions also abated, washing away in the Force. Never let it be said that he didn't get angry, or feel strongly, because he did. But he was so rote in his training that he distance himself from his own feelings quickly.
"Obi-Wan," he said gently. "I can't honestly say that I did not, nor do not want this for you. It has been my strong belief, always, that slavery is immoral and inhumane. And I do not want anyone to suffer in it. I do not think you, nor anyone deserves this."
He paused to think. He was a stubborn man- what Jedi wasn't stubborn? But he wasn't unpersuadable. He had helped Jar Jar when the poor creature needed it. He just lacked the time and the resources to help Obi-Wan and the boy and his mother right then. And that did frustrate him. And it exhausted him. There was always so much more that the Jedi should be doing.
"You know I cannot make any promises for the future, I trust in the Will of the Force. But after this mission, I will make returning here to help the three of you a prioity."
"I know that you will do the best that you can do, with the circumstances you are given within the moment." He wasn't using that as deflection. It was a conditional enough a promise that he -
Well, he mostly believed the intention right now, whether or not it remained the intention. The part about priority, he meant.
"I did not have optimistic hopes for Melida/Daan. But I did hope that you might join some worthy cause you could devote yourself to, or find some respectable company to work for." Be it a space freight company or a humanitarian group. He had been certain Obi-Wan hadn't died, some part of him was sure he would have just known.
Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wondered if he'd been wrong to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan. That didn't mean he didn't accept his choices. Because he did. But if he had known this would be Obi-Wan's path... known for certain, he would have tried harder for him.
"Yeah, but if you intend to help me get into a healing trance you're going to need to give me a physical point of contact." He wasn't a very good Jedi. He'd done a lot of teaching himself with this shit, and some of his methods weren't conventional.
Was he... appeased by what Qui-Gon said? Not entirely, but enough for his own compassion to kick in and to realize there was nothing to gain by trying to make some kind of point. It was done and over with anyway, and he had what he needed.
Qui-Gon could comply with that. And maybe part of him ached for how they were able to compromise here, part of him wished they could have found this sooner. But that was the past. And he was here in the present, always.
He rested a hand on Obi-Wan's. It seemed like the least harmful place to touch on the man. Everywhere else looked far too beaten.
"Obi-Wan," he said, realizing he hadn't said this yet. "Thank you for your sacrifice to help the Naboo Queen. You could have objected and no one would have faulted you for it."
He didn't consider it to be much of a sacrifice, and if it was one he'd made it as much -more- for Anakin than any Queen. In truth it was mostly just doing the right thing and an inevitable consequence.
"They should have. It would have been wrong," he murmured, closed his eyes and began to awkwardly, clumsily, try to filter pain away into the force, push it away from his awareness far enough to be able to focus on healing himself. Clumsy, awkward and unconventional in that he was leaning pretty heavily on Qui-Gon and physical sensation from where their hands were touching as an external focal point instead of it all being internal to him. "Don't let me heal too far. Don't need to end up back in a collar if somebody notices...."
Master Jinn and Padme left a day ago, and Anakin was processing some complicated emotions. He had been hoping for... more.
He knew helping Master Jinn and Padme was the right thing to do. It had felt right when he said he would do it, the days leading up to the race, during the race, and even now.
But they were gone, and he and his mom and Obi-Wan were still slaves.
He was trying to keep positive.
And one thing that helped was seeing Obi-Wan up and about.
Anakin had never seen Obi-Wan look so bad as he had after the race, and part of Anakin was so mad at Sebulba for it. But he was not even ten years old and Sebulba had all the power. Sebulba could actually kill Obi-Wan and no one would stop him or hold him accountable.
But Master Jinn had helped Obi-Wan, which helped quell Anakin's anger. In the end, things had worked out for Obi-Wan, too.
It was the end of the day and Anakin was making repairs on the pod racer in the last light from the suns. And he had two cups of a fruity ice drink popular in the center of town (where people had money to spend), one for Anakin, one for Obi-Wan. After the part for the Queen's ship had been purchased, there was a little prize money left over for Anakin and Shmi. And Anakin wouldn't get something for himself without treating Obi-Wan, too.
He sat with the drink and looked over at Obi-Wan. "Do you think they are gonna come back?"
He is definitely up and about, albeit still superficially bruised enough not to arouse suspicion.
He is also glad to see Anakin - far more so than the drink though anything that cold in the desert was welcome. Add in sweet, and well... it wasn't unwelcome either.
"Qui-Gon promised he would make taking us out a priority, after he finished their mission, and the Handmaiden was concerned and said she was going to try, too. So I think if things go okay there, and they are able, then they will be back."
He enjoyed his drink but he kept most of his attention on watching Anakin. "Someone will get us out of here, Anakin." It wasn't quite a promise, but it was close.
Then he had an even more difficult thing, except it wasn't really - in a lot of ways it was easier. "Probably, but not like that."
It was unfortunate, because Anakin was a boy of just nine years old, but he already had enough life experience on Tatooine to understand. They were slaves, their masters had all the power and could do what they wanted. He knew how mad Watto could get- Sebulba was worse.
"When I'm bigger, and I'm not a slave anymore, I'm going to save all the slaves here. Mom. You. Kit. Everyone."
"Yeah." He'd actually gotten that from his last talk with Qui-Gon and it was... helpful. He reached out and ruffled Anakin's hair. "But you are who is going to save everyone, not me."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2020-07-31 09:55 pm (UTC)"Sorry. Leaving the Jedi meant I got stuck just being human." Which means feelings he is not entirely control of, about things. He's still very soft spoken though, and what anger had been there fades away - or rather bleeds out - leaving just heavy, deep, exhaustion. Not physical tired but 'tired of everything' tired.
He makes an effort to rouse himself, a bit and twitches a very slight smile that isn't really one. His eyes stay closed. "You might want to ask Anakin for help. I'm sure it would speed things up."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 12:21 am (UTC)"Anakin is a very impressive boy," Qui-Gon admitted. Here his emotions might bely his intrigue- cautious intrigue.
"Not many Force sensitive children learn to use their powers so keenly without guidence." Was that an observation? And accusation? The Jedi tended to think they were the sole source of knowledge on the Force in the galaxy.
"That could be very dangerous for him."
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:24 am (UTC)Besides loving him, but it wasn't that simple, it really wasn't.
He was feeling slightly better, still struggling for air, but better with a bit of the superficial injuries fading. Enough to be aware of Qui-Gon's work more consciously.
"Why are you bothering with this?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:33 am (UTC)Qui-Gon kept working at Obi-Wan's injuries, but he couldn't help but ask.
"How do you expect me to help him, Obi-Wan?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 12:49 am (UTC)And he had committed himself to helping Obi-Wan in this moment.
"Are you so angry with me you would refuse my assistance? I can accept your angry towards me," mostly, he was Jedi after all and that did come with a heavy dose of judgment. Not that Qui-Gon didn't think it was his place. "But don't be foolish."
He did pause working in the Force, but to grabbed the water and hold it for Obi-Wan to take.
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:01 am (UTC)It's convoluted and he doesn't expect it to make much sense to Qui-Gon so he clarifies. "Anger isn't why I'm telling you to stop. I need you to do enough to convince Anakin that you -that the Jedi - are good. Beyond that it's simply pointless."
He stopped again, and caught his breath. Drank more water and then handed the glass back. Calmly. Quietly. "All things considered, life has not been terrible, but I have no expectation of, nor particularly strong desire to, continue it. This won't kill me, now, but this planet will and that's... fine."
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:33 am (UTC)And he found he didn't like the idea of Obi-Wan just... giving up.
"But that is what you want?" he asked, taking back the glass. "To die here? To give up? Is that what you think I want for you?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 01:53 am (UTC)"Obi-Wan," he said gently. "I can't honestly say that I did not, nor do not want this for you. It has been my strong belief, always, that slavery is immoral and inhumane. And I do not want anyone to suffer in it. I do not think you, nor anyone deserves this."
He paused to think. He was a stubborn man- what Jedi wasn't stubborn? But he wasn't unpersuadable. He had helped Jar Jar when the poor creature needed it. He just lacked the time and the resources to help Obi-Wan and the boy and his mother right then. And that did frustrate him. And it exhausted him. There was always so much more that the Jedi should be doing.
"You know I cannot make any promises for the future, I trust in the Will of the Force. But after this mission, I will make returning here to help the three of you a prioity."
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:02 am (UTC)Well, he mostly believed the intention right now, whether or not it remained the intention. The part about priority, he meant.
"What did you think happened to me?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:10 am (UTC)Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wondered if he'd been wrong to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan. That didn't mean he didn't accept his choices. Because he did. But if he had known this would be Obi-Wan's path... known for certain, he would have tried harder for him.
"Will you let me continue helping you?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:14 am (UTC)Was he... appeased by what Qui-Gon said? Not entirely, but enough for his own compassion to kick in and to realize there was nothing to gain by trying to make some kind of point. It was done and over with anyway, and he had what he needed.
One more person trying for Anakin and his mom.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 02:22 am (UTC)He rested a hand on Obi-Wan's. It seemed like the least harmful place to touch on the man. Everywhere else looked far too beaten.
"Obi-Wan," he said, realizing he hadn't said this yet. "Thank you for your sacrifice to help the Naboo Queen. You could have objected and no one would have faulted you for it."
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Date: 2020-08-01 05:07 am (UTC)"They should have. It would have been wrong," he murmured, closed his eyes and began to awkwardly, clumsily, try to filter pain away into the force, push it away from his awareness far enough to be able to focus on healing himself. Clumsy, awkward and unconventional in that he was leaning pretty heavily on Qui-Gon and physical sensation from where their hands were touching as an external focal point instead of it all being internal to him. "Don't let me heal too far. Don't need to end up back in a collar if somebody notices...."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 05:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 11:16 pm (UTC)He knew helping Master Jinn and Padme was the right thing to do. It had felt right when he said he would do it, the days leading up to the race, during the race, and even now.
But they were gone, and he and his mom and Obi-Wan were still slaves.
He was trying to keep positive.
And one thing that helped was seeing Obi-Wan up and about.
Anakin had never seen Obi-Wan look so bad as he had after the race, and part of Anakin was so mad at Sebulba for it. But he was not even ten years old and Sebulba had all the power. Sebulba could actually kill Obi-Wan and no one would stop him or hold him accountable.
But Master Jinn had helped Obi-Wan, which helped quell Anakin's anger. In the end, things had worked out for Obi-Wan, too.
It was the end of the day and Anakin was making repairs on the pod racer in the last light from the suns. And he had two cups of a fruity ice drink popular in the center of town (where people had money to spend), one for Anakin, one for Obi-Wan. After the part for the Queen's ship had been purchased, there was a little prize money left over for Anakin and Shmi. And Anakin wouldn't get something for himself without treating Obi-Wan, too.
He sat with the drink and looked over at Obi-Wan. "Do you think they are gonna come back?"
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 04:04 am (UTC)He is also glad to see Anakin - far more so than the drink though anything that cold in the desert was welcome. Add in sweet, and well... it wasn't unwelcome either.
"Qui-Gon promised he would make taking us out a priority, after he finished their mission, and the Handmaiden was concerned and said she was going to try, too. So I think if things go okay there, and they are able, then they will be back."
Mostly.
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Date: 2020-08-02 04:27 am (UTC)"I hope they come back," Anakin said. He sounded a bit deflated.
But another moment, a sip of the drink and another thought- "Master Jinn helped you! I'm really glad you're alright. Will Sebulba hurt you again?"
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Date: 2020-08-02 04:36 am (UTC)Then he had an even more difficult thing, except it wasn't really - in a lot of ways it was easier. "Probably, but not like that."
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Date: 2020-08-02 04:55 am (UTC)"When I'm bigger, and I'm not a slave anymore, I'm going to save all the slaves here. Mom. You. Kit. Everyone."
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Date: 2020-08-02 04:58 am (UTC)He really does have that much faith in Anakin, and really that's saying a lot given how little faith he has in anyone or anyone else.
"But first step is just everyone staying safe to get you out of here, right?"
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Date: 2020-08-02 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 05:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
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