"Because I'm dumping an awful lot on the shoulders of a child, and even if that's not uncommon and you have greater ones - it isn't really right, either."
He was more aware of 'child' and what it meant through Anakin.
"I have served Naboo almost ten years in various capacities," Padme said. "That's not unusual for Naboo. Isn't that also how the Jedi are structured? Doesn't service with the Jedi begin very young?" She didn't know a lot about the Jedi, but she'd made sure she'd been as informed as possible when she learned two Jedi were coming to assist with the crisis on Naboo.
"Yes. I was only a little younger than you when I chose to leave the Jedi." And that was definitely an adult decision with adult consequences. "But then I look at Anakin and it feels very different."
Padme smiles at that. Anakin did seem like a sweet child, with a bright disposition despite his life's situation. She just hoped they weren't taking the wrong chance on him.
She chewed over her next question until she'd worked up the courage to ask it.
"It's okay," he said, trying to reassure her before he answered. She hadn't overstepped, he wasn't upset. "I left the Jedi to stay on Melida/Daan to try to help their... teenagers and young people end their civil war. We got it done but we were all really young and the war took a toll on people and the planet. That made us an easy target for slavers. I spent three or four years in a collar bouncing around from owner to owner before I landed with someone... decent enough to take it off. I stayed with him until he died and managed to stay out of the collar because no one knew I could do anything with the Force at that point. Then here."
In short that was all of it, in a very condensed and frankly sanitized way. More than she had asked for, but he didn't want her to feel like she couldn't asked.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you," she said. What in this universe was the Republic doing- civil wars with child soldiers? Societies so destabilized they were preyed upon by slavers? What did the senators do in Coruscant if not help the galaxy they'd sworn to serve?
It was quite frustrating to think about.
So she focused on Obi-Wan instead.
"I have another personal question... How is it your fault that you're a slave?"
Maybe he shouldn't have reassured her quite so much, when she'd begun asking personal questions.
He stares at her a moment, and then sighs softly over the rim of his mug. "It isn't, not really. It is something that would not have occurred had I not argued with Qui-Gon and insisted upon staying when he left. As far as he is concerned that makes it some combination of my own doing and the 'Will Of The Force'- he may even consider it just. I need him to help Anakin. Aggressively claiming responsibility for it will get me further than another argument with him - and he isn't entirely wrong, in his belief."
Padme followed Obi-Wan's logic for the most part, though she didn't think Obi-Wan should have to suffer like that just to get Master Jinn to see reason.
She did not, however, agree with the Obi-Wan at the very end.
And she was starting to question the judgment of the Jedi, if they would make the conclusion that a slave is partially to blame for abuses done to them.
"Is Anakin's slave master Watto more culpable than the slavers who enslaved you?"
"Of course not. Anyone who participates in buying, selling, or transporting people - or who knowingly makes a profit from slavery is culpable."
A pause and then gentle and pointed: "But Anakin was literally born a slave. Watto is no better or no less to blame than anyone who owned me, but Anakin is utterly and completely blameless in every regard. He's also an adorable kid who is sooner rather than later going to slip and wind up in a Force Collar or sold away from his mother, or both. He needs out, more than he realizes."
"It is a matter of safety for Anakin, yes. But for you, as well. Anakin deserves freedom," Padme said. "Because absent the commission of a heinous crime, our personal autonomy is sacrosanct. This exception proves how indelible autonomy is. It cannot be sullied because we find ourselves at disagreements with another. Enslavement is not a reasonable consequence to assume follows making an innocent choice."
"You are really well educated." Not that perception but that vocabulary? That was something else. Where in the world did they educate Handmaidens? "I do not disagree with you, I really don't. But Qui-Gon is absolutely not going to do anything to help me and I have got to get Anakin and Shmi out of here. If that means not fighting one more Master, so be it. If it helps at all, I am mad as kriffing hell about it."
Once again Padme's carefully schooled expression faltered, but this time a small, proud smile crossed her face before she managed to get her reaction to the compliment under control.
And it was easy, because there was something that nagged at Padme in Obi-Wan's response.
The smile, small as it was, was pretty charming. Bits of personality shining through the role and that was a lovely thing.
But then there was the question, which was not.
"He was the Master I argued with and who went back to the Jedi while I opted to stay." Then there was the part where Qui-Gon hadn't wanted him to start with. "It isn't a lot of history, to be honest. At least not in the grand scheme of things."
Padme was horrified. She was not much older now than Obi-Wan had been when he went through this. She couldn't imaging being left alone, with no resources, no help, in the middle of a war.
"But it was a formable history. That specific moment shaped the rest of your life."
And this was making her question her total faith in the Jedi who were helping her.
"Enough so for me not to have forgotten him," he says, tone dry as he remembers that initial argument. It was - and is - complicated, and there's no need for him to sort it out right now. There may never be. He really just wants Anakin out of here. The rest doesn't matter to him nearly as much - or really at all. "I'm sorry for complicating your purpose, here."
Padme felt compelled to say more- something comforting, but nothing really came to mind. She knew she couldn't make any promises, even if she wanted to so badly. She hated seeing all this suffering. And she hated being so powerless.
She knew she couldn't say the first thing that came to mind. And she hated that, too.
"We do need to leave as soon as possible and continue our journey to Coruscant. Naboo is counting on... us to... advocate on their behalf. We need to get help for Naboo. I'm sorry we can't stay to truly help. But any way we can help you, if there is a way to help you, I'll see to it to get you that help."
"Just do what you can to get someone back here for Anakin and his mom." He doesn't want sympathy, he doesn't want saved. He just wants Anakin and Shmi out of here.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-07-11 10:37 pm (UTC)He was more aware of 'child' and what it meant through Anakin.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-11 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-11 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 02:42 am (UTC)She chewed over her next question until she'd worked up the courage to ask it.
"Can I ask how you became a slave?"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 02:55 am (UTC)In short that was all of it, in a very condensed and frankly sanitized way. More than she had asked for, but he didn't want her to feel like she couldn't asked.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 05:38 am (UTC)"I'm so sorry that happened to you," she said. What in this universe was the Republic doing- civil wars with child soldiers? Societies so destabilized they were preyed upon by slavers? What did the senators do in Coruscant if not help the galaxy they'd sworn to serve?
It was quite frustrating to think about.
So she focused on Obi-Wan instead.
"I have another personal question... How is it your fault that you're a slave?"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 05:48 am (UTC)He stares at her a moment, and then sighs softly over the rim of his mug. "It isn't, not really. It is something that would not have occurred had I not argued with Qui-Gon and insisted upon staying when he left. As far as he is concerned that makes it some combination of my own doing and the 'Will Of The Force'- he may even consider it just. I need him to help Anakin. Aggressively claiming responsibility for it will get me further than another argument with him - and he isn't entirely wrong, in his belief."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 05:55 am (UTC)She did not, however, agree with the Obi-Wan at the very end.
And she was starting to question the judgment of the Jedi, if they would make the conclusion that a slave is partially to blame for abuses done to them.
"Is Anakin's slave master Watto more culpable than the slavers who enslaved you?"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 06:01 am (UTC)A pause and then gentle and pointed: "But Anakin was literally born a slave. Watto is no better or no less to blame than anyone who owned me, but Anakin is utterly and completely blameless in every regard. He's also an adorable kid who is sooner rather than later going to slip and wind up in a Force Collar or sold away from his mother, or both. He needs out, more than he realizes."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-16 05:49 am (UTC)And it was easy, because there was something that nagged at Padme in Obi-Wan's response.
"You and Master Jinn have a history, don't you?"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-17 10:30 am (UTC)But then there was the question, which was not.
"He was the Master I argued with and who went back to the Jedi while I opted to stay." Then there was the part where Qui-Gon hadn't wanted him to start with. "It isn't a lot of history, to be honest. At least not in the grand scheme of things."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-24 01:37 am (UTC)"But it was a formable history. That specific moment shaped the rest of your life."
And this was making her question her total faith in the Jedi who were helping her.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-26 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 05:08 am (UTC)She knew she couldn't say the first thing that came to mind. And she hated that, too.
"We do need to leave as soon as possible and continue our journey to Coruscant. Naboo is counting on... us to... advocate on their behalf. We need to get help for Naboo. I'm sorry we can't stay to truly help. But any way we can help you, if there is a way to help you, I'll see to it to get you that help."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 05:44 am (UTC)