"No. I just accepted it as a risk to what I did choose which wasn't going back with Qui-Gon." No he hadn't, but. It was a risk and he had taken it and it had happened.
"Because stuff happens and the universe isn't fair and sometimes the things we do make it more or less fair or stack or unstack the deck of cards we're given and the Force works in Mysterious ways, we need to get this thing finished."
Not happy, Obi-Wan was not surprised to find out, was an understatement. Angry was too. Furious, enraged, seething, incensed-- there were a lot of words that could have applied much better than 'not happy' or 'mad'.
He made it back to his place in slave quarters, but only barely and only because he refused to allow anyone to risk his owner's ire in trying to check on him.
He lost consciousness not far inside the door, just fainted where he stood and fell to the floor. He was naked from the waist up, his back a mass of bruises and dried blood from shallow whip marks. There were abrasions and bruises around his wrists. One eye was swollen and bruised and his lip was split. He was badly sunburned where skin was exposed. He was dehydrated. All relatively minor things, in the scheme of things.
Not minor at all, there was a bruise so deep and nasty across one side of his rib cage that it was black rather than purple. His breathing was shallow, and periodically turned into a pained cough - that added a fresh layer of blood to his lips.
There was an attempt made at healing himself, there really was, but he just couldn't manage. Couldn't manage to stay conscious long enough and couldn't focus past how bad it hurt to breathe in those periods he was vaguely aware.
Anakin's thrill of victory was short lived. It was amazing to finally win- it hadn't been easy, Sebulba was an excellent pilot, but not holding back had been wonderful, like he was stretching parts of him that had begged for movement for too long.
But his fears for Obi-Wan had been founded. When Obi-Wan didn't show, he all but threatened to go to Obi-Wan his own until the one adult he was sure was Obi-Wan's only hope agreed to help.
"He's hurt because Sebulba's mad that I won! I won to help you- you have to help Obi-Wan now!"
Qui-Gon finally agreed, and while he helped Obi-Wan to his bed, he told Anakin to get some water and then sent him home because it wasn't safe for Anakin to be caught there, given Sebulba's anger.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said directly, but still a bit gentle. He needed Obi-Wan to wake up enough to take water.
He subtly relaxed - stopped being so physically tense, though still tense - when he sensed Anakin leaving, and it was as much Qui-Gon's presence in the force as his voice that got him up and around in spite of the darkness being something near a physical weight trying to pull him back down.
He even got his eyes - eye anyway - open.
"What?" What do you want, what do you need, or just what given he was pretty... fuzzy.
This was... the easy part. Because helping was the right thing to do. The medical issues were straight forward. This is wrong, to correct it we need to do X. It would be something they both agreed on.
Qui-Gon's hope was that they could focus on that without touching the mountain of discord between them.
"You need to drink some water. You are dehydrated. I'm going to try to heal what I can." He paused, because the next part might start kicking that mountain. "Do you recall how to enter a healing trance?"
He doesn't say that. Doesn't have the energy but laughs, harshly, and effectively chokes on blood that the rough movement and breath brings up.
He manages to get the class from Qui-Gon, with a lot of effort. "I'd have died years ago if I didn't. Can't... hold the focus long enough." Now he means.
In that moment, yes, Qui-Gon cared. There were many factors as to why. Some part of him truly didn't want Obi-Wan to suffer. And there was something to be said about helping someone who'd endured a beating in order to help Qui-Gon. But most of his reasons revolved around having the time to devote to Obi-Wan in that moment. If he could complete his mission sooner, if the ship wasn't taking so long to repair, yes, he might not be there.
The calculus was simple - Naboo involved more than just Obi-Wan, more lives were at stake. Naboo had to come first. It was not happy math, but it was the reality of the galaxy.
"That's good. I will try to help you find the focus so that you can." He accepted the glass back when Obi-Wan had taken a few swallows, but didn't set it too far away, Obi-Wan would need more. "I'm going to start working on these superficial brusies."
Obi-Wan grabbed hold of Qui-Gon and then used that grip to pull himself onto his uninjured side and off his back. It was less painful and a little easier to breathe.
He let go immediately once he'd managed the move, though. "Sure," he said, albeit very softly. "Should help the focus issues."
He was trying to keep his emotions under wraps but it was hard. He was mad and relieved and confused in equal measure, all against a back drop of hurt - physical and not - and out of breath. At least quiet kept the appearance of that all subdued. "Why aren't you with your ship?"
A part of Qui-Gon was impressed with Obi-Wan's ability to keep his emotions under the surface. To a Jedi, that spoke to maturity. But as the root of those emotions was some 13 years in the past, a part of Qui-Gon was disappointed. He'd gotten over his feelings about their last argument on Melida/Daan a long time ago, he'd moved past it. (Somewhat, he'd never taken another padawan in all that time, but that was his right as a Knight and Master). Why couldn't Obi-Wan get past it?
He froze when Obi-Wan gripped him, to turn over- bu he couldn't think of another Jedi would welcome touch. Rael excluded.
Qui-Gon tried to stay focused in the Force to help Obi-Wan heal. If he was honest, he faltered a moment or two.
"Our ship is taking longer to repair than expected. Master Rael doesn't possess the same skill with machines as your young friend does." Qui-Gon figured it wouldn't be dangerous to reveal to Obi-Wan what other Jedi was on the mission.
He can catch the edges of Qui-Gon's feeling and presence, albeit faintly at the moment. Feel the disappointment and the lapse in Qui-Gon's focus a bit, anyway.
"Sorry. Leaving the Jedi meant I got stuck just being human." Which means feelings he is not entirely control of, about things. He's still very soft spoken though, and what anger had been there fades away - or rather bleeds out - leaving just heavy, deep, exhaustion. Not physical tired but 'tired of everything' tired.
He makes an effort to rouse himself, a bit and twitches a very slight smile that isn't really one. His eyes stay closed. "You might want to ask Anakin for help. I'm sure it would speed things up."
Qui-Gon couldn't fathom what 'just being human' really meant, benig a Jedi was so ingrained in him. For him, if he was severed from the Order, not much about him would change, he didn't think.
"Anakin is a very impressive boy," Qui-Gon admitted. Here his emotions might bely his intrigue- cautious intrigue.
"Not many Force sensitive children learn to use their powers so keenly without guidence." Was that an observation? And accusation? The Jedi tended to think they were the sole source of knowledge on the Force in the galaxy.
"Why the kriff," he asked, tone that same very soft, quiet, even thing even with the slight emphasis and cursing, "do you think I am so desperate to get him out of slavery?"
Besides loving him, but it wasn't that simple, it really wasn't.
He was feeling slightly better, still struggling for air, but better with a bit of the superficial injuries fading. Enough to be aware of Qui-Gon's work more consciously.
"You need the help and I have the time," Qui-Gon said simply. It wasn't sentimental. They were together a handful of months. They disagreed and... to put it bluntly, Qui-Gon had cut his losses. If Obi-Wan wanted to break his oaths, Qui-Gon had decided not fight him. Despite the connection they'd shared those few months, Qui-Gon's previous experience with Xanatos had made him cautious. Maybe it had been the wrong choice to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan, but that was too many years in the past to regret now.
Qui-Gon kept working at Obi-Wan's injuries, but he couldn't help but ask.
"I don't expect you to, or believe you are." It wasn't sentimental, either. He had his hope placed firmly on the Queen's handmaiden, now - well what 'hope' he had, at all. He closed his eyes and curled slightly in on himself, coughing hard enough to make his eyes water but at least clearing some of the... congestion in his lungs. "And while I appreciate the... compassion, there is very little purpose, beyond making sure Anakin does not become entirely disillusioned and cynical. Stay here as long as you'd like but save the energy."
That did sting more than Qui-Gon expected it to. He'd long thought the Jedi didn't do enough for the galaxy, especially when it came to slavery. But there was only so much one Jedi in the Order could do. He knew that so keenly. But that didn't mean he didn't feel something for those he couldn't help.
And he had committed himself to helping Obi-Wan in this moment.
"Are you so angry with me you would refuse my assistance? I can accept your angry towards me," mostly, he was Jedi after all and that did come with a heavy dose of judgment. Not that Qui-Gon didn't think it was his place. "But don't be foolish."
He did pause working in the Force, but to grabbed the water and hold it for Obi-Wan to take.
He took the glass of water and murmured a thank you. He took one swallow to start with, then sipped more slowly. "No. I'm not certain the person I am now is angry at the person you are now, at all. The child I was and man you were, yes, but that isn't... in the present moment."
It's convoluted and he doesn't expect it to make much sense to Qui-Gon so he clarifies. "Anger isn't why I'm telling you to stop. I need you to do enough to convince Anakin that you -that the Jedi - are good. Beyond that it's simply pointless."
He stopped again, and caught his breath. Drank more water and then handed the glass back. Calmly. Quietly. "All things considered, life has not been terrible, but I have no expectation of, nor particularly strong desire to, continue it. This won't kill me, now, but this planet will and that's... fine."
"The Jedi don't perform tricks to appease people," Qui-Gon said, a bit of an edge to his voice. He might disagree with the Council from time to time, but he still believed in the respectability of the station of Jedi.
And he found he didn't like the idea of Obi-Wan just... giving up.
"But that is what you want?" he asked, taking back the glass. "To die here? To give up? Is that what you think I want for you?"
He gave Qui-Gon a confused, somewhat strange, look. "I don't think you want - or particularly don't want - anything for me." There was nothing snappish or mean there, just confusion and some... mild, not apology but almost appeasement in response to the snap. He really had had his fill of angry people for today. "I've no idea what I want, really. I suppose I may have given up on there being any... options, but I do know that it isn't more of this."
Qui-Gon's emotions also abated, washing away in the Force. Never let it be said that he didn't get angry, or feel strongly, because he did. But he was so rote in his training that he distance himself from his own feelings quickly.
"Obi-Wan," he said gently. "I can't honestly say that I did not, nor do not want this for you. It has been my strong belief, always, that slavery is immoral and inhumane. And I do not want anyone to suffer in it. I do not think you, nor anyone deserves this."
He paused to think. He was a stubborn man- what Jedi wasn't stubborn? But he wasn't unpersuadable. He had helped Jar Jar when the poor creature needed it. He just lacked the time and the resources to help Obi-Wan and the boy and his mother right then. And that did frustrate him. And it exhausted him. There was always so much more that the Jedi should be doing.
"You know I cannot make any promises for the future, I trust in the Will of the Force. But after this mission, I will make returning here to help the three of you a prioity."
"I know that you will do the best that you can do, with the circumstances you are given within the moment." He wasn't using that as deflection. It was a conditional enough a promise that he -
Well, he mostly believed the intention right now, whether or not it remained the intention. The part about priority, he meant.
"I did not have optimistic hopes for Melida/Daan. But I did hope that you might join some worthy cause you could devote yourself to, or find some respectable company to work for." Be it a space freight company or a humanitarian group. He had been certain Obi-Wan hadn't died, some part of him was sure he would have just known.
Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wondered if he'd been wrong to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan. That didn't mean he didn't accept his choices. Because he did. But if he had known this would be Obi-Wan's path... known for certain, he would have tried harder for him.
"Yeah, but if you intend to help me get into a healing trance you're going to need to give me a physical point of contact." He wasn't a very good Jedi. He'd done a lot of teaching himself with this shit, and some of his methods weren't conventional.
Was he... appeased by what Qui-Gon said? Not entirely, but enough for his own compassion to kick in and to realize there was nothing to gain by trying to make some kind of point. It was done and over with anyway, and he had what he needed.
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Date: 2020-07-31 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 06:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 06:53 am (UTC)But then he laughed and said, "Okay." And got back to work.
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Date: 2020-07-31 07:05 am (UTC)He made it back to his place in slave quarters, but only barely and only because he refused to allow anyone to risk his owner's ire in trying to check on him.
He lost consciousness not far inside the door, just fainted where he stood and fell to the floor. He was naked from the waist up, his back a mass of bruises and dried blood from shallow whip marks. There were abrasions and bruises around his wrists. One eye was swollen and bruised and his lip was split. He was badly sunburned where skin was exposed. He was dehydrated. All relatively minor things, in the scheme of things.
Not minor at all, there was a bruise so deep and nasty across one side of his rib cage that it was black rather than purple. His breathing was shallow, and periodically turned into a pained cough - that added a fresh layer of blood to his lips.
There was an attempt made at healing himself, there really was, but he just couldn't manage. Couldn't manage to stay conscious long enough and couldn't focus past how bad it hurt to breathe in those periods he was vaguely aware.
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Date: 2020-07-31 07:22 pm (UTC)But his fears for Obi-Wan had been founded. When Obi-Wan didn't show, he all but threatened to go to Obi-Wan his own until the one adult he was sure was Obi-Wan's only hope agreed to help.
"He's hurt because Sebulba's mad that I won! I won to help you- you have to help Obi-Wan now!"
Qui-Gon finally agreed, and while he helped Obi-Wan to his bed, he told Anakin to get some water and then sent him home because it wasn't safe for Anakin to be caught there, given Sebulba's anger.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said directly, but still a bit gentle. He needed Obi-Wan to wake up enough to take water.
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Date: 2020-07-31 07:39 pm (UTC)He even got his eyes - eye anyway - open.
"What?" What do you want, what do you need, or just what given he was pretty... fuzzy.
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Date: 2020-07-31 08:35 pm (UTC)Qui-Gon's hope was that they could focus on that without touching the mountain of discord between them.
"You need to drink some water. You are dehydrated. I'm going to try to heal what I can." He paused, because the next part might start kicking that mountain. "Do you recall how to enter a healing trance?"
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Date: 2020-07-31 08:48 pm (UTC)He doesn't say that. Doesn't have the energy but laughs, harshly, and effectively chokes on blood that the rough movement and breath brings up.
He manages to get the class from Qui-Gon, with a lot of effort. "I'd have died years ago if I didn't. Can't... hold the focus long enough." Now he means.
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Date: 2020-07-31 09:22 pm (UTC)The calculus was simple - Naboo involved more than just Obi-Wan, more lives were at stake. Naboo had to come first. It was not happy math, but it was the reality of the galaxy.
"That's good. I will try to help you find the focus so that you can." He accepted the glass back when Obi-Wan had taken a few swallows, but didn't set it too far away, Obi-Wan would need more. "I'm going to start working on these superficial brusies."
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Date: 2020-07-31 09:29 pm (UTC)He let go immediately once he'd managed the move, though. "Sure," he said, albeit very softly. "Should help the focus issues."
He was trying to keep his emotions under wraps but it was hard. He was mad and relieved and confused in equal measure, all against a back drop of hurt - physical and not - and out of breath. At least quiet kept the appearance of that all subdued. "Why aren't you with your ship?"
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Date: 2020-07-31 09:41 pm (UTC)He froze when Obi-Wan gripped him, to turn over- bu he couldn't think of another Jedi would welcome touch. Rael excluded.
Qui-Gon tried to stay focused in the Force to help Obi-Wan heal. If he was honest, he faltered a moment or two.
"Our ship is taking longer to repair than expected. Master Rael doesn't possess the same skill with machines as your young friend does." Qui-Gon figured it wouldn't be dangerous to reveal to Obi-Wan what other Jedi was on the mission.
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Date: 2020-07-31 09:55 pm (UTC)"Sorry. Leaving the Jedi meant I got stuck just being human." Which means feelings he is not entirely control of, about things. He's still very soft spoken though, and what anger had been there fades away - or rather bleeds out - leaving just heavy, deep, exhaustion. Not physical tired but 'tired of everything' tired.
He makes an effort to rouse himself, a bit and twitches a very slight smile that isn't really one. His eyes stay closed. "You might want to ask Anakin for help. I'm sure it would speed things up."
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:21 am (UTC)"Anakin is a very impressive boy," Qui-Gon admitted. Here his emotions might bely his intrigue- cautious intrigue.
"Not many Force sensitive children learn to use their powers so keenly without guidence." Was that an observation? And accusation? The Jedi tended to think they were the sole source of knowledge on the Force in the galaxy.
"That could be very dangerous for him."
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:24 am (UTC)Besides loving him, but it wasn't that simple, it really wasn't.
He was feeling slightly better, still struggling for air, but better with a bit of the superficial injuries fading. Enough to be aware of Qui-Gon's work more consciously.
"Why are you bothering with this?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:33 am (UTC)Qui-Gon kept working at Obi-Wan's injuries, but he couldn't help but ask.
"How do you expect me to help him, Obi-Wan?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 12:49 am (UTC)And he had committed himself to helping Obi-Wan in this moment.
"Are you so angry with me you would refuse my assistance? I can accept your angry towards me," mostly, he was Jedi after all and that did come with a heavy dose of judgment. Not that Qui-Gon didn't think it was his place. "But don't be foolish."
He did pause working in the Force, but to grabbed the water and hold it for Obi-Wan to take.
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:01 am (UTC)It's convoluted and he doesn't expect it to make much sense to Qui-Gon so he clarifies. "Anger isn't why I'm telling you to stop. I need you to do enough to convince Anakin that you -that the Jedi - are good. Beyond that it's simply pointless."
He stopped again, and caught his breath. Drank more water and then handed the glass back. Calmly. Quietly. "All things considered, life has not been terrible, but I have no expectation of, nor particularly strong desire to, continue it. This won't kill me, now, but this planet will and that's... fine."
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:33 am (UTC)And he found he didn't like the idea of Obi-Wan just... giving up.
"But that is what you want?" he asked, taking back the glass. "To die here? To give up? Is that what you think I want for you?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 01:53 am (UTC)"Obi-Wan," he said gently. "I can't honestly say that I did not, nor do not want this for you. It has been my strong belief, always, that slavery is immoral and inhumane. And I do not want anyone to suffer in it. I do not think you, nor anyone deserves this."
He paused to think. He was a stubborn man- what Jedi wasn't stubborn? But he wasn't unpersuadable. He had helped Jar Jar when the poor creature needed it. He just lacked the time and the resources to help Obi-Wan and the boy and his mother right then. And that did frustrate him. And it exhausted him. There was always so much more that the Jedi should be doing.
"You know I cannot make any promises for the future, I trust in the Will of the Force. But after this mission, I will make returning here to help the three of you a prioity."
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:02 am (UTC)Well, he mostly believed the intention right now, whether or not it remained the intention. The part about priority, he meant.
"What did you think happened to me?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:10 am (UTC)Not for the first time, Qui-Gon wondered if he'd been wrong to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan. That didn't mean he didn't accept his choices. Because he did. But if he had known this would be Obi-Wan's path... known for certain, he would have tried harder for him.
"Will you let me continue helping you?"
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Date: 2020-08-01 02:14 am (UTC)Was he... appeased by what Qui-Gon said? Not entirely, but enough for his own compassion to kick in and to realize there was nothing to gain by trying to make some kind of point. It was done and over with anyway, and he had what he needed.
One more person trying for Anakin and his mom.
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