"What?" he asked, stopping and turning in confusion. "No. Not even close." He was missing a link. He wasn't defensive just confused and trying to figure out where the jump one of them had made was.
He moved again, this time unlocking his door and pushing it open and turning the light on before he let either of them enter. It was New York so the unit was small - could see the bed from the couch - but it was white, it was bright, and it was light.
And very clean.
"Oh. No. I'm not. I just think loud and busy is something you seem to gravitate toward as a layer when you're trying to be entertained."
Unfortunately he was actually offended by the rest of that statement. Or rather... upset? Because he did not want to be ... read that wrong. And if he'd screwed up that badly, already, he needed to fix it.
Enough so that after he closed the door the only words he actually said were, "I beg your pardon? You are neither, but you play chess with loud music and choose to play fast. I assumed it was useful on some level."
This was the situation - did he explain that reducing his interests to ‘loud’ and ‘busy’ was a negative stigma for him and why and why he’d been trying to use humor to glide past it, or don’t explain and just brush it off for that sake of saving everyone face?
It wasn’t that he thought Obi-Wan would be different, but this was just serious for a second date.
“I’m sorry,” Anakin said, “I have ADHD. My attention span is short and I’m easily distracted. Keeping focused on a task for a long duration takes constant reminder and no distractions. EDM music is repetitious and predictable so I use it to block out other stimuli. I can see how it seems over stimulating but it’s actually the opposite for me. And I can’t play chess slow- I mean, I can physically do it. But I forget whatever strategy I had going in about twenty minutes in because I get distracted.
“But... I am disruptive and out of hand. I just try really hard not to be because that’s not how society functions.”
"Okay." He inclined his head slightly toward the table, since there was a lot of food to divide, and they had planned on eating. "Maybe you can tell me more about what you like to do in your free time and I won't go bull in a china shop on you while we work out a plan."
Because he knew very little, and part of what he did know was... that he needed to be careful. Maybe now also that he should expect humor as deflection more - or at least read it as humor - but he was still...
Anakin had been holding back because so much about himself was too 'disruptive,' not for a lack of a better word, because that was the word, But he was too disruptive for these kinds of interactions. You didn't just dump 'Hello, I'm in therapy to address three mental disorders and to re-learn how to do simple, every-day tasks like brushing my teeth because I lost my dominant arm in a jet crash' on every random person you met. You had no foundation to trust them.
And Obi-Wan had been that, a random person he just played chess with in the park... until the other day when Obi-Wan had said 'let me buy you a rootbeer.'
Anakin had been fine just playing chess with the man and leave any possibilities of more in the fantasy spank-bank. Because of the aforementioned too real reality of his life.
But he'd said yes to rootbeer. And yes to rootbeer had turned into skating. And skating had turned into this. And this was turning into...
Maybe it was time to drop some barriers - if Obi-Wan was willing to listen to that small bit about just his ADHD and not tell him to immediately get out, maybe there was enough there that Anakin could tell him more.
"Obi-Wan-" Anakin took a seat, sighing, but not out of exasperation. It was in preparation. "A year and a half ago, I was in a fighter jet crash and lost my right arm below my elbow. So add on top of ADHD PTSD and anxiety, too. I'm in physical therapy two days a week, mental therapy one. I work, I play chess in the park, and I've only just remastered how to do enough manual tasks with my left hand to make hobbies even a passing thought again. And occasionally - occasionally I go to a concert. That is... my life right now. Whatever you come up with to do, if it's what you want to do, I'll want to do it."
He listened to that, all of it, without flinching, then got up and went to pull out a glass bottle of rootbeer and bottle of water from the refrigerator, a couple of forks and some (paper) napkins from the drawer, and then started unpacking the takeout bags into the table.
None of that was any great shock - military, lost an arm recently, took meds, recently in New York and with a new job - but it was all a relief because he was no longer fumbling around in the dark.
"Great. I've got an early class Saturday. Come meet me at the Sports Arena about 11. We'll do brunch and the zoo."
"Now..." Anakin started to say as he tried to help open containers - he could do that at least. "When you say 'Saturday' do you mean a few hours from now?"
He decided plates were probably a better idea after realizing how much food was there and got up to grab a couple and brought them back. "That depends on whether you're still here in the morning. If so, sure. You can watch me herd cats."
He'd actually meant next week, but hey, when the opening in conversation struck- It was pretty casual, almost teasing. Comfortable? Not a problem, anyway, certainly not one that came with expectation of acceptance, much less sex.
"Sure. If you're fed up after I give up staying awake, please lock the door behind you." Which was as casual as anything else. "And yeah. Help yourself to anything you want." Or just ask, but leaving Anakin to figure out what he could and couldn't do seemed like the... least invasive and best idea.
Okay, how to take portions... He was only so good at moving the digits of his prosthetic. He decided the most dignified thing to do was just to use his left hand and try to dump the right amount onto his plate.
That more or less worked. He tried to error on the side of smaller portions so he didn't over take.
He let Anakin work it out without close scrutiny or commentary though he paid enough attention to make sure he managed to get the food he wanted, and filled his own plate as Anakin finished serving himself.
"Not a chance," he said, with a faint laugh. "I might be able to manage a few hours and still be able to handle excited kids in the morning, though."
He laughs, softly, picks up his fork and pauses before taking his first bite: "If you wear me out it just means I'll sleep well and you have better reason to keep calling me old." Whatever form 'worn out' takes.
"Candy Land," he said, with absolute seriousness. "Scrabble. Trivial pursuit. Cards against humanity. Not Safe For Work Exploding kittens."
"...and a couple we need at least a few more dates for me to bring out." It was teasing, but also truthful. Some things just required a degree of intimacy to play with. Meaning 'to be played with people you were already having sex with and not the first time you had sex with'.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 10:59 pm (UTC)And very clean.
"Oh. No. I'm not. I just think loud and busy is something you seem to gravitate toward as a layer when you're trying to be entertained."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 11:21 pm (UTC)But he jumped passed that to smile at guessing correctly the kind of place Obi-Wan lived.
“This is so close to how I imagined your place would be.”
no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 11:24 pm (UTC)Unfortunately he was actually offended by the rest of that statement. Or rather... upset? Because he did not want to be ... read that wrong. And if he'd screwed up that badly, already, he needed to fix it.
Enough so that after he closed the door the only words he actually said were, "I beg your pardon? You are neither, but you play chess with loud music and choose to play fast. I assumed it was useful on some level."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 12:13 am (UTC)It wasn’t that he thought Obi-Wan would be different, but this was just serious for a second date.
“I’m sorry,” Anakin said, “I have ADHD. My attention span is short and I’m easily distracted. Keeping focused on a task for a long duration takes constant reminder and no distractions. EDM music is repetitious and predictable so I use it to block out other stimuli. I can see how it seems over stimulating but it’s actually the opposite for me. And I can’t play chess slow- I mean, I can physically do it. But I forget whatever strategy I had going in about twenty minutes in because I get distracted.
“But... I am disruptive and out of hand. I just try really hard not to be because that’s not how society functions.”
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 12:50 am (UTC)"Okay." He inclined his head slightly toward the table, since there was a lot of food to divide, and they had planned on eating. "Maybe you can tell me more about what you like to do in your free time and I won't go bull in a china shop on you while we work out a plan."
Because he knew very little, and part of what he did know was... that he needed to be careful. Maybe now also that he should expect humor as deflection more - or at least read it as humor - but he was still...
Almost tentative with asking questions of Anakin.
Almost.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:09 am (UTC)And Obi-Wan had been that, a random person he just played chess with in the park... until the other day when Obi-Wan had said 'let me buy you a rootbeer.'
Anakin had been fine just playing chess with the man and leave any possibilities of more in the fantasy spank-bank. Because of the aforementioned too real reality of his life.
But he'd said yes to rootbeer. And yes to rootbeer had turned into skating. And skating had turned into this. And this was turning into...
Maybe it was time to drop some barriers - if Obi-Wan was willing to listen to that small bit about just his ADHD and not tell him to immediately get out, maybe there was enough there that Anakin could tell him more.
"Obi-Wan-" Anakin took a seat, sighing, but not out of exasperation. It was in preparation. "A year and a half ago, I was in a fighter jet crash and lost my right arm below my elbow. So add on top of ADHD PTSD and anxiety, too. I'm in physical therapy two days a week, mental therapy one. I work, I play chess in the park, and I've only just remastered how to do enough manual tasks with my left hand to make hobbies even a passing thought again. And occasionally - occasionally I go to a concert. That is... my life right now. Whatever you come up with to do, if it's what you want to do, I'll want to do it."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:34 am (UTC)None of that was any great shock - military, lost an arm recently, took meds, recently in New York and with a new job - but it was all a relief because he was no longer fumbling around in the dark.
"Great. I've got an early class Saturday. Come meet me at the Sports Arena about 11. We'll do brunch and the zoo."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:41 am (UTC)He'd actually meant next week, but hey, when the opening in conversation struck- It was pretty casual, almost teasing. Comfortable? Not a problem, anyway, certainly not one that came with expectation of acceptance, much less sex.
"Otherwise pick your Saturday."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:25 am (UTC)Okay, how to take portions... He was only so good at moving the digits of his prosthetic. He decided the most dignified thing to do was just to use his left hand and try to dump the right amount onto his plate.
That more or less worked. He tried to error on the side of smaller portions so he didn't over take.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:29 am (UTC)"Not a chance," he said, with a faint laugh. "I might be able to manage a few hours and still be able to handle excited kids in the morning, though."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:43 am (UTC)Also playful, no expectation about what might happen after food. But maybe a hope that food won't be the last of their interaction.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:54 am (UTC)"Because I can get creative."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 03:55 am (UTC)"You know what? It's a challenge now. I'm flexible." Literally and metaphorically.
Bring it on, Anakin.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:03 am (UTC)"What games do you have?"
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:07 am (UTC)"...and a couple we need at least a few more dates for me to bring out." It was teasing, but also truthful. Some things just required a degree of intimacy to play with. Meaning 'to be played with people you were already having sex with and not the first time you had sex with'.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:13 am (UTC)A drink from his rootbeer. A bit from his plate.
"So... obviously, bring out Candy Land."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:14 am (UTC)He stops teasing and eats a few more bites of food himself. "Can we finish eating, or are we going to multi-task?"
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:18 am (UTC)But then he's smiling again. "Finish food first, assess if you're fed up with me, then we play."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 04:19 am (UTC)"I have no idea why you keep expecting me to get fed up with you in the next twenty minutes or so, but okay."
He ate.
Pointedly.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Goddamn that icon
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:Profile
February 2025
Most Popular Tags
Page Summary
Style Credit
Expand Cut Tags